Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
