I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
