The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
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you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize