and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
