Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
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