I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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