You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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