a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
