return my video game
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
