Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
