We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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