TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
