She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
