If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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