If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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