I never want to see another naked old woman again.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
