i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
