I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
