If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
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