I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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