thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
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