were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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