Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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