Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
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