Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
