Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
