I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
