and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
