He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
