I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
