I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
