Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
