i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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