She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
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I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
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I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
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