Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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