I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
