Your dad touched me again.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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