Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
