I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
