I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
