Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
