if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
