Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize