so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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