I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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