Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
