i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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