dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
they call him Oral-B. enough said
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
