I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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