my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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