whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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