I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
