Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
