I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
