can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
