WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
