wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
