So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
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Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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