And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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