I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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