Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
It's official drugs can't kill me
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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