I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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