my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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